I have a confession to make. This blog has not turned out to be what I intended. It has become a reporting device to inform extended family about what my children are doing. There's nothing wrong with that, and I'm sure it is appreciated at least a little. For that purpose, it works pretty well. But I wanted it to be more.
I decided to start this because of Dan & Jen. They have something like 34 blogs combined, and I read them all, even
the one that hasn't been updated in months. (When's the new album coming out??) I am entertained, informed and educated by the things I read. I am also frequently jealous.
The mark of a talented person, in whatever arena, is the ability to "make it look easy". When you see somebody exercising a skill and it makes you think, "I could do that", you know you're watching a master. It's when you give it a try and fail that you appreciate their ability. That is what my online experience has taught me. I'm not as skilled as I would like to think I am.
One point for this blog was for me to have a forum to write. I have long been under the delusion (shared by many) that I have at least one good novel in me that the world is dying to read. All I need is the time and place to write it. The words would naturally flow if I only made the effort to put it down on paper. I bandied about the idea of
NaNoWriMo last fall, but determined that I couldn't devote that kind of time every single day to reach the goal. So instead I talked Jen into it. Bad idea on my part. She not only reached the 50,000 words in a month goal, but she developed
an interesting story. Suddenly, I have to admit the reality that I'm not a writer, and probably never will be. Oh well, I'll find another use for the blog.
Every Sunday morning between the sound check and the service, the church band gathers in the "green room" backstage for refreshments (coffee & doughnuts) and devotions. One band member is assigned the devo each week and I have shared a couple of times when it was my turn. Some people try to match their message with the topic of the sermon for the week, and some just read a couple of verses, and some come in with mini-sermons prepared. I have written a couple of devotions for that setting that I thought were somewhat insightful or enlightening or dare I say, theological. Being proud of my efforts, I thought I could post those on the blog to share with the world. Mostly since I realized that sharing those musings would be for MY glory, I decided against it. But there was a part of me that thought it could be a good thing to post. Until I read real theology written by people more insightful than I. I have been humbled and taught by
my little brother and surprisingly to me, by our cousin Brian. These guys know God and it is a pleasure to read what they say about Him. I am a baby compared to what I've read from them. Brian even has written about a couple of topics that I was thinking about writing myself. He did it better. So I refrain from posting my devotions partly to keep from being embarrassed by writing inferior or inaccurate theology and partly to avoid elevating myself unnecessarily. I guess I'll have to find another use for the blog.
I could use this as a kind of diary, to record my thoughts, emotions, or activities and put every detail of my life up for grabs. I'm not really that type of person, though. There is an inherent irony just in the very existence of this blog. I am a quiet, private person and I don't share much even with those close to me. So it is remarkable that I choose to share anything at all with conceivably millions of online readers. Of course I am hiding behind the relative cloak of anonymity. It's a paradox - I revel in my anonymity but I want you to know me. I don't want to draw attention to myself, but I want to be noticed. I have nothing to say, but I'll share it with you. I suppose it's the hallmark of the wired generation. So, use this as a window to my soul? Nope, I'll come up with another purpose for the blog.
My point here is not to praise the authors of other blogs I enjoy, and it is not entirely to beat myself down. I guess I'm sharing the realization that (apologies to Popeye) I am what I am. I don't write particularly well, I am not a great theologian and my life is not all that interesting. But I can use this forum for any and all of those purposes. It is what it is. It is a flawed instrument I can utilize to fulfill my yet unknown purpose. And if you can't see the analogy in that statement, then I'm a worse theologian than I thought.
