How you doin'?

Call me a cranky old curmudgeon, but there are some things that really bug me. Why do total strangers, or at least co-workers, feel fine asking me personal questions about my life? Every Monday morning I am grilled about my weekend activities. This past Tuesday was even worse. Everyone wanted to know if I had a good Christmas. I'm sure next week will bring inquires as to the quality of my New Year's Eve. A large (and growing) part of me wants to shout back at them, "It's none of your @$#%! business!!".

Another bothersome trend is greeting each other with "How are you?". I despise small talk, and it doesn't get any smaller than that. The reason it bothers me so much is because 99% of the time, the one asking doesn't bother to wait around for an answer. I just shake my head whenever I happen to be in the office and I hear one of the girls make a phone call. Inevitably, the call goes something like:
"May I speak to ____?"
"Hello, ____, this is ____"
"I'm fine, how are you?"
Then they proceed to conduct business as if nothing had transpired. Huh? There was some kind of attempt to solicit personal information that went unheeded. Does that mean the inquiry was insincere?

The biggest reason that bugs me is that it puts pressure on the person getting asked. Instead of receiving a simple greeting of hello, suddenly I'm on the defensive to justify my mundane weekend plans. When it's the first thing in the morning, I don't want to be on the defensive. That's why I always return the question with "Good morning". The funny thing is, nobody ever calls me on it. They ask me a question, I ignore it, and everybody's happy. Out of consideration of the other person, I like to greet with "Nice to see you", or simply "Hello". It's an acknowledgement of their presence without undue pressure to respond. It's not that I'm totally antisocial, I'm just anti phony.
Rest assured, if I ever ask you how you are doing, I mean it.