You gotta get up pretty early to fool me

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Unfortunately, it's also one of the easiest jobs to get. There are millions of unqualified parents in the world who simply wanted to have a little fun and instead got a little bundle of joy.

There is quite a bit of joy in the job, even though it's a pretty big responsibility. Your task is to turn out a decent human being that is more of a benefit to society than a detriment. The good news is that you get several years to accomplish this. The bad news is that you pretty much have to figure out how to do it on the fly. That's why people have more than one child - the first ones are practice kids. I'm sure that studies will show that the most successful children are not the firstborn (a common myth) but the secondborn. Those who were raised by parents who finally know what they're doing. Everybody knows that a poor dress rehearsal foretells a good performance.

It's tough, but it's fun too. There are times that you can enjoy the position of power more than you should. You think,"I don't feel like mowing the lawn", or "The garage could use a coat of paint", or "I need a cold drink but the refrigerator is all the way out in the other room" and you seize your authority and tell your child to do it for you. After all, what good are kids if they don't fetch?

You have to seize these opportunities as they arise, because the kids don't stay naive forever. You only get to pull the Let's-see-who-can-hit-the-softest trick once. Per child. Maybe twice for a firstborn. Until they mature and learn, you the parent are the smartest person they know. You answer all the questions they have whether you have the truth or not. They don't know the difference. You can tell them whatever you want for your own amusement. Of course, I would never do such a thing, as I am trying to raise decent human beings. Who believe that I am smarter than they are, which for the time being at least, is true. Someday that might not be the case, but for now is is fun to outsmart them.

Saturday is Drew's birthday and school starts tomorrow so last night he had two friends come over to spend the night. We gave them free reign to stay up as long as they like (as long as they were fairly quiet) since they could all sleep in today before school starts the next day. They only thing I told them was that if they were still up when I got up to go on my paper route (4:00) I was going to take them all out with me.

When I came downstairs there was a light on in the family room. Drew was in the chair at the computer with his feet up on the back of the couch, head back. Jacob was face down on the couch. Travis was back in the corner laying on the bean bag chair. There wasn't a sound from anybody. I decided that I wouldn't bother them and I left to do the route. My first few deliveries are just a couple of houses away, so I walked them over before I got in the car to do the rest. When I came back to the house, I thought I would test a theory. I walked around the back and peeked in the window to the family room. Sure enough, all three of them were up and about, thinking that they had fooled me. They were pretending to sleep so I wouldn't make them come with me. I went back to the front of the house, came in the front door, and slipped around the corner. Busted!

I did not make them go on the route with me because frankly, who does that punish? Me. I simply told them to go upstairs to bed, and I better not see them when I get back. When I returned there was snoring emanating from Drew's room so either they finally dropped off, or their deception is getting better. Regardless, I won that round.

I don't mind them having fun, since it was the last day of summer vacation, but I don't like the fact that they not only disregarded my instructions, but they tried to trick me on top of it. We'll have to see about that. I did happen to notice, the grass is getting a little long, and the van is pretty dirty....